No... This has got nothing to do with the Arthur Hailey Novel!
I recently had the opportunity to travel by air…. From Jabalpur ! Yeah, that’s right. And you never know your luck… anyone might be required to do it anytime in their lives. Hence I thought of giving you guys an idea (a few DO's and DONT's) about the whole thing so that you know what to expect if you have to take the same risk that I did in the future!
The Place
The airport is a comfortable 2 BHK built over an area of 1200 Sq. Ft (unfurnished though!). One room for arrival and One room for departure both with attached bathrooms.
Timing
Discipline and punctuality are two pillars over which this airport thrives on! It opens sharp at 8 AM and closes not a minute before 10 AM! Make sure that you go on time and board the flight. A minute this side or that side and you may find yourself alone on the runway.
The Men
We HRs… we just cant divert our attention from manpower! There are totally two people who man the airport. Quite efficient and experienced, I must say! One person takes care of luggage handling and the other person takes care of man handling (I mean…Taking care of the passengers).
Baggage
As I mentioned earlier, one person is totally dedicated for luggage handling out of the two available staff. This person promptly completes the baggage screening formalities (By opening your luggage and scanning it thoroughly! Work cannot stop on the pretext of lack of infrastructure! You may not have a X-ray scanner but you still HAVE TO do the baggage screening). After the baggage screening process he puts it on the conveyor belt and runs along its length himself to collect the luggage on the other side and deposits into a truck which he later drives to the aircraft. The efficiency of the ground staff is generally good… But it is better to check your luggage once you have boarded the aircraft even though you have checked them in earlier (It is always good to double check!).
If you are lucky you might sometimes get a porter! DO NOT pay more than 20 bucks for carrying your luggage till your seat… He might argue that seat no. 15C is quite far… But remember, the back door of the aircraft is also operational and it is an ATR flight which hardly has 3 steps to climb!
Runway
This is something really important. The runway! It is sufficiently large for an ATR. To give a comparison, it stretches a length of 300 meters! But the adept handling of the pilot makes the runway look very long as he takes a U-Turn during the process of landing and take-off thereby effectively doubling the runway length!
In the flight!
At this juncture, I want to give you two important tips…
First of all, make sure you don’t see any horror movies the day before you travel. You might feel lonely and extremely scared in the flight!
Take your own bottle of water… DO NOT search for an air-hostess…. She is not there! In case of an emergency, there are 4 cans of water. 2 located near the wings, 1 at the back and 1 at the front! The reading lights on top of each panel will help you locate the nearest can!
Transit Passengers
In case you are a domestic transit passenger, don’t worry… The airport authorities have arranged for bullock cart service from terminal 1A to the bus / Railway station! Customer orientation has never been an issue here… I was told!
So guys… Now you know how to prepare yourself for an air travel from / to Jabalpur ! In future if you guys have to travel to this place, don’t be afraid…. You cannot be risk averse… always!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
The Jabalpur Test Match
Cricket in any form is interesting. But test cricket is something which has a lot of latent learning potential in it. You can draw a lot of inspiration from it and survive in tough conditions. I thought it would be a real good comparison between our profession and in fact our life with Test Cricket! But how to compare? We need a comparator… Don’t you worry; Jabalpur is the one medicine for all sickness!
Nine months in Jabalpur, and you would be surprised to know that test cricket is one thing that keeps me going. So let us try to draw analogy between our jobs and test cricket taking the specific example of Jabalpur and then generalizing it! In mathematics we call this methodology “Principle of Mathematical Induction”!
The Toss
It all starts with the toss. For me, this was similar to exercising my option on the preference of location. “Bangalore” was the call, but “Jabalpur” it was! You cant help it. Toss is a matter of luck. You win some, you lose some. Yeah, you are a bit disgruntled. But you can’t change teams (read “organization”) because you lost the toss. Especially if it is your debut match (read “First Job”). You may be perceived as unprofessional in the industry! You may lose the toss irrespective of the team you are in. The situation worsens if you are asked to open when you are not a specialist in that position. Tough conditions, pumped up opposition, fiery pace bowling… and a lot of sledging! But a better option would be to stick around in the hard conditions, prove your worth and then knock the doors of the “team management” to get the spot you want (read “location / practice / role”)!
Drinks Break
Working causes frustration! That is why drinking is necessary. A drinks break comes once in 15 overs, so take at least drink once in 15 days! It helps you reduce the frustration. That is why people STACK liquor. Once you STACK liquor it initiates a LIFO process (Liquor In Frustration Out!).
Play it session-wise
A test match is not played in one day… A career is not decided in one stint! You have to play it session by session. That too in a career that is going to span for two and a half decades! You might be initially on the back foot in one session. Agreed. You may have lost the session, but you haven’t lost the match. I thought that Jabalpur is like a test match. You have to play it session by session, occupy the crease, and grind the opposition…. All you are looking for is survival. According to me, this applies universally. All one has to do is fight hard for survival, because the longer you survive the more experienced you get and the more you perform. The more you perform, the greater is the respect you earn. By doing the above, as the commentators say often, “You put a price tag on your wicket”! The more experienced you are, the greater is the price on that tag! In other words, people pay you more for a shift later!
Negotiate the New-ball… Cautiously
A new ball is analogous to a new issue. Negotiate it carefully. If you play at it immediately you may fall for it. Remember, there are 3 slips lurking behind your back to catch you at the slightest of the opportunity!
Watch the ball (Issue) carefully. Study it. Play it as little as possible. Let it go to their own keeper. It will come back to you again for sure! Adopt the waiting tactic. Once you understand the issue completely and the ball (issue) is old, you can handle it with greater ease!
The opposition wants you to play an issue when it is in its nascent stage… Don’t!
Playing with the tail
Steve Waugh, Lara, Laxman, Misbah…. Heard these names somewhere? Yeah, they have rescued their teams with an incompetent person batting on the other end. And that is why they are respected! Many times you may find yourself in a similar position. I must thank god that I had great people to work with so far. But batting with the tail pushes you hard. You convert the 1s into 2s and the 3s into 4s! Don’t crib if you have to work with an incompetent person, they are pushing you to greater heights. Moreover competence is a subject matter of the field we are talking about. The tail is supposed to bowl, not bat. If they are on the field batting with you, then it is due to the mistake of the previous batsmen. Those people have a specific role to play and they are much better than many of us in that particular role! Working with incompetent people has a lot of learning in it! I am not trying to justify incompetence, I am trying to look at its positives.
Tea
If you are working as an internal HR in a PSU or you are consulting for a Govt. sector client you need lot of tea breaks! Lot of networking happens over chai and the level of rapport you build through this process is unbelievable. So my sincere advice, drink a lot of chai… chai is next only to whisky when it comes to blending with the client!
2nd Innings
Everyone makes mistakes. So what? Test cricket always gives you a second chance. So does life and career. And one can shine, if only he / she is ready to learn from the mistakes and avoid them!
Patience & Perseverance
Patience is a virtue! There is no doctor who can help a person who lacks patients... Oh sorry… patience! We have to develop it ourselves. Test cricket teaches you that you cannot expect a wicket every ball. One has to be patient and persevere with the line of attack. Eventually you will achieve your objective. That is why it is called “line and length”. Stick to the line of thinking and strive hard, the objectives will be achieved over a length of time!
Declaration
Having said all the above, it is good to adopt the above strategies to balance out the interests of the firm and the individual. But it doesn’t mean that one has to be meek and submissive. If you think you have had enough, you need to declare.
There is no lack of opportunity and you can always explore. There are readily available formats of resume on the internet. All you need to do is a ctrl C, ctrl V. Microsoft did not keep this as the short cut for copy-paste without any reason. Copy – Paste is done widely to prepare a resume… That is why ctrl C – ctrl V contains CV in it. Use it and prepare as many CVs as you want!
But remember, you declare when you think you have had enough and when you are in a very strong position. Ensure that before going for this extreme step!
Moral of the Story
If you are facing a tough situation in life, just look up to test cricket for inspiration to wriggle out of it. As they say quite rightly, Test Cricket separates the Men from the Boys. But I would add to that statement, “It also separates the Women from the Girls”!
Nine months in Jabalpur, and you would be surprised to know that test cricket is one thing that keeps me going. So let us try to draw analogy between our jobs and test cricket taking the specific example of Jabalpur and then generalizing it! In mathematics we call this methodology “Principle of Mathematical Induction”!
The Toss
It all starts with the toss. For me, this was similar to exercising my option on the preference of location. “Bangalore” was the call, but “Jabalpur” it was! You cant help it. Toss is a matter of luck. You win some, you lose some. Yeah, you are a bit disgruntled. But you can’t change teams (read “organization”) because you lost the toss. Especially if it is your debut match (read “First Job”). You may be perceived as unprofessional in the industry! You may lose the toss irrespective of the team you are in. The situation worsens if you are asked to open when you are not a specialist in that position. Tough conditions, pumped up opposition, fiery pace bowling… and a lot of sledging! But a better option would be to stick around in the hard conditions, prove your worth and then knock the doors of the “team management” to get the spot you want (read “location / practice / role”)!
Drinks Break
Working causes frustration! That is why drinking is necessary. A drinks break comes once in 15 overs, so take at least drink once in 15 days! It helps you reduce the frustration. That is why people STACK liquor. Once you STACK liquor it initiates a LIFO process (Liquor In Frustration Out!).
Play it session-wise
A test match is not played in one day… A career is not decided in one stint! You have to play it session by session. That too in a career that is going to span for two and a half decades! You might be initially on the back foot in one session. Agreed. You may have lost the session, but you haven’t lost the match. I thought that Jabalpur is like a test match. You have to play it session by session, occupy the crease, and grind the opposition…. All you are looking for is survival. According to me, this applies universally. All one has to do is fight hard for survival, because the longer you survive the more experienced you get and the more you perform. The more you perform, the greater is the respect you earn. By doing the above, as the commentators say often, “You put a price tag on your wicket”! The more experienced you are, the greater is the price on that tag! In other words, people pay you more for a shift later!
Negotiate the New-ball… Cautiously
A new ball is analogous to a new issue. Negotiate it carefully. If you play at it immediately you may fall for it. Remember, there are 3 slips lurking behind your back to catch you at the slightest of the opportunity!
Watch the ball (Issue) carefully. Study it. Play it as little as possible. Let it go to their own keeper. It will come back to you again for sure! Adopt the waiting tactic. Once you understand the issue completely and the ball (issue) is old, you can handle it with greater ease!
The opposition wants you to play an issue when it is in its nascent stage… Don’t!
Playing with the tail
Steve Waugh, Lara, Laxman, Misbah…. Heard these names somewhere? Yeah, they have rescued their teams with an incompetent person batting on the other end. And that is why they are respected! Many times you may find yourself in a similar position. I must thank god that I had great people to work with so far. But batting with the tail pushes you hard. You convert the 1s into 2s and the 3s into 4s! Don’t crib if you have to work with an incompetent person, they are pushing you to greater heights. Moreover competence is a subject matter of the field we are talking about. The tail is supposed to bowl, not bat. If they are on the field batting with you, then it is due to the mistake of the previous batsmen. Those people have a specific role to play and they are much better than many of us in that particular role! Working with incompetent people has a lot of learning in it! I am not trying to justify incompetence, I am trying to look at its positives.
Tea
If you are working as an internal HR in a PSU or you are consulting for a Govt. sector client you need lot of tea breaks! Lot of networking happens over chai and the level of rapport you build through this process is unbelievable. So my sincere advice, drink a lot of chai… chai is next only to whisky when it comes to blending with the client!
2nd Innings
Everyone makes mistakes. So what? Test cricket always gives you a second chance. So does life and career. And one can shine, if only he / she is ready to learn from the mistakes and avoid them!
Patience & Perseverance
Patience is a virtue! There is no doctor who can help a person who lacks patients... Oh sorry… patience! We have to develop it ourselves. Test cricket teaches you that you cannot expect a wicket every ball. One has to be patient and persevere with the line of attack. Eventually you will achieve your objective. That is why it is called “line and length”. Stick to the line of thinking and strive hard, the objectives will be achieved over a length of time!
Declaration
Having said all the above, it is good to adopt the above strategies to balance out the interests of the firm and the individual. But it doesn’t mean that one has to be meek and submissive. If you think you have had enough, you need to declare.
There is no lack of opportunity and you can always explore. There are readily available formats of resume on the internet. All you need to do is a ctrl C, ctrl V. Microsoft did not keep this as the short cut for copy-paste without any reason. Copy – Paste is done widely to prepare a resume… That is why ctrl C – ctrl V contains CV in it. Use it and prepare as many CVs as you want!
But remember, you declare when you think you have had enough and when you are in a very strong position. Ensure that before going for this extreme step!
Moral of the Story
If you are facing a tough situation in life, just look up to test cricket for inspiration to wriggle out of it. As they say quite rightly, Test Cricket separates the Men from the Boys. But I would add to that statement, “It also separates the Women from the Girls”!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
IF
Disclaimer: Whatever is written here is plain and simple mindless stuff. Not to hurt anyone; The intention is just to have fun!
If you can keep your head count when all about you
Are losing theirs and try poaching on you;
If you can enjoy yourself when all other men curse you,
But make allowance for their cursing too;
If you can talk global and not be tired of gassing,
Or, implement Balanced Score Card, and create imbalance,
Or, suffocate, and don't give way to self-suffocation,
And yet talk too good, and sound too wise;
If you can recruit - and not make the recruits your master;
If you can train - and not make learning your aim;
If you can meet with your boss and subordinate
And treat those two just the same as strangers;
If you can bear to hear the Pre-Placement Talks you've spoken
Twisted & turned to make a trap for the innocent,
Or watch the Assessment Center Reports you gave your life to be shredded,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your deliverables
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and happily grin at the poor guy who takes them all home
And never breath a word about it to your boss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "I am designing your Performance Appraisal System";
If you can talk with crowds and network big time,
Or walk with kings – in the pretext of 360 degree feedback;
If neither foes nor loving friends can correct you;
If all men crib with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distant run (away from the problem) -
Yours is the Firm and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a HR my son!
- Goodyard Toppling!
If you can keep your head count when all about you
Are losing theirs and try poaching on you;
If you can enjoy yourself when all other men curse you,
But make allowance for their cursing too;
If you can talk global and not be tired of gassing,
Or, implement Balanced Score Card, and create imbalance,
Or, suffocate, and don't give way to self-suffocation,
And yet talk too good, and sound too wise;
If you can recruit - and not make the recruits your master;
If you can train - and not make learning your aim;
If you can meet with your boss and subordinate
And treat those two just the same as strangers;
If you can bear to hear the Pre-Placement Talks you've spoken
Twisted & turned to make a trap for the innocent,
Or watch the Assessment Center Reports you gave your life to be shredded,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your deliverables
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and happily grin at the poor guy who takes them all home
And never breath a word about it to your boss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "I am designing your Performance Appraisal System";
If you can talk with crowds and network big time,
Or walk with kings – in the pretext of 360 degree feedback;
If neither foes nor loving friends can correct you;
If all men crib with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distant run (away from the problem) -
Yours is the Firm and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a HR my son!
- Goodyard Toppling!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Age Old Profession of HR!
A few days back I was having a casual chat with one of my graduation friend. While we were talking, the unavoidable topic of work came up! He started cribbing about how his work life was becoming sick because of useless HR policies and how HR processes are totally immature in India. I was patiently listening.
But I lost it completely when he made a particular comment! He said that the profession of HR lacks depth. We HRs… We can admit amongst ourselves in private that what we are doing is bullshit! But in front of others, we fight tooth & nail that HR is the next big thing in India (Only god knows what the previous big thing was!)
One can in fact very easily say that HR is one of the oldest professions in the country. And let us see how the HR processes in India were extremely matured even during the times of Ramayan!
D.A.S.R.A.T (Demand And Supply Reconciliation Analysis Tool)
This tool was the king of all tools! It was used for analyzing demand as compared to the supply available in the labour market. DASRAT consists of four home grown modules which provided assistance in carrying out the necessary analysis. They are Ram, Lakshman, Barad and Shatrugun.
B.A.R.A.D (Backend Assistance to Recruitment And Deployement)
BARAD gave the required support to induct and deploy the resources recruited by DASRAT. It comes as the second activity in the value chain of recruitment and internalization.
R.A.M (Retention Augmentation Module)
The objective of this module was to decrease attrition and improve the retention rate in Ayodhya Pvt. Ltd. This was the potential successor to DASRAT. But since BARAD is activated before RAM when it comes to Employee Engagement, RAM was forced to relinquish the claim on the post of DASRAT and was redeployed to a forest to control the alarming attrition rate.
This redeployment of RAM made DASRAT very weak, since RAM gives a lot of critical inputs to DASRAT. But little did DASRAT know that all of this was due to a curse incurred by it due to excessive and relentless poaching in the early days of its commissioning.
S.E.E.T.A (Satisfaction, Employee Engagement & Training Administrator)
This sub-module initiates the Employee satisfaction survey and oversees the Training needs of the employees. SEETA and RAM are strategically married to each other! And quite rightly so, because Employee Satisfaction ensures that retention rate is increased.
LAKSHMAN (Learning And Knowledge SHaring MANager)
Any organization needs a dedicated learning and development department to differentiate itself in terms of the quality of people. At least we HRs claim so! LAKSHMAN was a dedicated L&D module. In the sense it was extremely dedicated to RAM and SEETA there by helping the overall cause of retention. During times of distress, LAKSHMAN generates a REKHA called LAKSHMAN REKHA (Line of Lakshman). This LINE of LAKSHMAN made people believe that HR is a LINE function and not a STAFF function! This line helps in stopping people from going from one side to other there by nullifying the attempts of poaching by external entities.
R.A.V.A.N (Retrenchment Actuator and Vigorous Attrition Negotiator)
This is a malicious module. It installs itself into your organization and immediately starts the process of poaching. It is the chief module of Sri LANCA (Lucrative and Nice Compensation Advisor).
The biggest setback that RAVAN produced was when it poached SEETA from RAM and created a huge Chaos in Ayodhya Pvt. Ltd. And that too SEETA was managing the most important function of Training.
If you have been a trained poacher you can poach, but if you have been poached of a trainer you can never train!
Hence RAM and LAKSHMAN had to reacquire SEETA, for this they sought the help of some outsourced external agencies. Let me explain who they were.
S.U.G.R.I.E.V.A(NCE)
As the name suggests, it is an automated grievance resolution module. Organizations generally deploy it to determine the level of grievance brewing in it and to effectively handle them. This made the life of RAM and LAKSHMAN much better by assisting them in their (head) hunt for SEETA!
V.A.L.I (Vicarious Asset & Liability Indicator)
Since RAM had contracted out the job of searching for SEETA to other agencies, the knowledge of Contract Labour Regulation and Abolitions Act assumed greater importance during this period. VALI tried to keep reminding RAM about the vicarious liabilities as a principal employer by keeping SUGRIEVA & company on contract basis. This led to an ego tussle between VALI & SUGRIEVA leading RAM to deactivate VALI. It was a tough decision, and hence RAM had to remotely deactivate VALI from behind a (decision) tree!
JDaayu
This is the automatic JD generator. All RAM had to do was give the name of the job and J’Daayu was programmed to make 100 JDs within 10 nano seconds! This would have been a dream tool for us HR consultants!
H.A.N.U.M.A.N (Human Ability NUrturer & Manpower ANalyer)
Organizations are filled with people who just cannot take that giant “leap”? All that was done during those days was to activate HANUMAN. This module nurtured the talent available within the organization and helped in analyzing the needs and requirements of the same. The beauty with HANUMAN was that it did not know its own potential! All in all, this module totally revered RAM and would jump that extra yard to get things for Ayodhya Pvt. Ltd. It got SEETA back from RAVAN for RAM.
In short, it helps in poaching back from the poacher and returns the poached to its rightful owner. Hence this can make the poacher the poached and redeem the pride of the poached by making it a poacher!
This, my dear friends, summarizes in a nutshell how age old our HR processes dates back to! So, listen not to anyone who bad mouths it, for we are doing a service to mankind which no sane person might even think of doing.
If someone tells that HR profession has no depth, do not hold yourself. Just give it back to them. Because we have sunk in it and we know how inescapably deep it is!
But I lost it completely when he made a particular comment! He said that the profession of HR lacks depth. We HRs… We can admit amongst ourselves in private that what we are doing is bullshit! But in front of others, we fight tooth & nail that HR is the next big thing in India (Only god knows what the previous big thing was!)
One can in fact very easily say that HR is one of the oldest professions in the country. And let us see how the HR processes in India were extremely matured even during the times of Ramayan!
D.A.S.R.A.T (Demand And Supply Reconciliation Analysis Tool)
This tool was the king of all tools! It was used for analyzing demand as compared to the supply available in the labour market. DASRAT consists of four home grown modules which provided assistance in carrying out the necessary analysis. They are Ram, Lakshman, Barad and Shatrugun.
B.A.R.A.D (Backend Assistance to Recruitment And Deployement)
BARAD gave the required support to induct and deploy the resources recruited by DASRAT. It comes as the second activity in the value chain of recruitment and internalization.
R.A.M (Retention Augmentation Module)
The objective of this module was to decrease attrition and improve the retention rate in Ayodhya Pvt. Ltd. This was the potential successor to DASRAT. But since BARAD is activated before RAM when it comes to Employee Engagement, RAM was forced to relinquish the claim on the post of DASRAT and was redeployed to a forest to control the alarming attrition rate.
This redeployment of RAM made DASRAT very weak, since RAM gives a lot of critical inputs to DASRAT. But little did DASRAT know that all of this was due to a curse incurred by it due to excessive and relentless poaching in the early days of its commissioning.
S.E.E.T.A (Satisfaction, Employee Engagement & Training Administrator)
This sub-module initiates the Employee satisfaction survey and oversees the Training needs of the employees. SEETA and RAM are strategically married to each other! And quite rightly so, because Employee Satisfaction ensures that retention rate is increased.
LAKSHMAN (Learning And Knowledge SHaring MANager)
Any organization needs a dedicated learning and development department to differentiate itself in terms of the quality of people. At least we HRs claim so! LAKSHMAN was a dedicated L&D module. In the sense it was extremely dedicated to RAM and SEETA there by helping the overall cause of retention. During times of distress, LAKSHMAN generates a REKHA called LAKSHMAN REKHA (Line of Lakshman). This LINE of LAKSHMAN made people believe that HR is a LINE function and not a STAFF function! This line helps in stopping people from going from one side to other there by nullifying the attempts of poaching by external entities.
R.A.V.A.N (Retrenchment Actuator and Vigorous Attrition Negotiator)
This is a malicious module. It installs itself into your organization and immediately starts the process of poaching. It is the chief module of Sri LANCA (Lucrative and Nice Compensation Advisor).
The biggest setback that RAVAN produced was when it poached SEETA from RAM and created a huge Chaos in Ayodhya Pvt. Ltd. And that too SEETA was managing the most important function of Training.
If you have been a trained poacher you can poach, but if you have been poached of a trainer you can never train!
Hence RAM and LAKSHMAN had to reacquire SEETA, for this they sought the help of some outsourced external agencies. Let me explain who they were.
S.U.G.R.I.E.V.A(NCE)
As the name suggests, it is an automated grievance resolution module. Organizations generally deploy it to determine the level of grievance brewing in it and to effectively handle them. This made the life of RAM and LAKSHMAN much better by assisting them in their (head) hunt for SEETA!
V.A.L.I (Vicarious Asset & Liability Indicator)
Since RAM had contracted out the job of searching for SEETA to other agencies, the knowledge of Contract Labour Regulation and Abolitions Act assumed greater importance during this period. VALI tried to keep reminding RAM about the vicarious liabilities as a principal employer by keeping SUGRIEVA & company on contract basis. This led to an ego tussle between VALI & SUGRIEVA leading RAM to deactivate VALI. It was a tough decision, and hence RAM had to remotely deactivate VALI from behind a (decision) tree!
JDaayu
This is the automatic JD generator. All RAM had to do was give the name of the job and J’Daayu was programmed to make 100 JDs within 10 nano seconds! This would have been a dream tool for us HR consultants!
H.A.N.U.M.A.N (Human Ability NUrturer & Manpower ANalyer)
Organizations are filled with people who just cannot take that giant “leap”? All that was done during those days was to activate HANUMAN. This module nurtured the talent available within the organization and helped in analyzing the needs and requirements of the same. The beauty with HANUMAN was that it did not know its own potential! All in all, this module totally revered RAM and would jump that extra yard to get things for Ayodhya Pvt. Ltd. It got SEETA back from RAVAN for RAM.
In short, it helps in poaching back from the poacher and returns the poached to its rightful owner. Hence this can make the poacher the poached and redeem the pride of the poached by making it a poacher!
This, my dear friends, summarizes in a nutshell how age old our HR processes dates back to! So, listen not to anyone who bad mouths it, for we are doing a service to mankind which no sane person might even think of doing.
If someone tells that HR profession has no depth, do not hold yourself. Just give it back to them. Because we have sunk in it and we know how inescapably deep it is!
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Bollywood Recap - 2007
Disclaimer: The intention is just to have fun and not to hurt anyone in anyway. Please read, enjoy and forget :-)
Time flies. And flies fast! It looks as if 2007 had just begun, but here we are quite close to bidding farewell to it. So just thought of walking down the memory lane....
Aap kaa Suroor, The movie
If you have not yet seen this movie and someone recommends you to watch saying that it is really good, please retort by telling “Oh Jhoot Nahi Bol na!”
Never go with your thinking cap on for this movie… You are doomed! But don’t you worry; the CAP is already in its rightful place! This movie answered a question that was pestering me for a long time and which was very much pertinent to our profession… How can a HR gas (through his nose) and yet be successful?? ?
One thing that everyone said quite uniformly after seeing the movie was, “ITS A MISTAKE!!!”
Shootout at Lokhandwala
This movie should have ideally been titled “Blackout for Dheknewala”. It completely blacks you out… Reports say that people who went to watch this movie returned home in an Ambulance!
The only watchable 5 minutes of the movie was the song “Ganpat”. The filmmaker confuses the audience between “Fact and Fiction” effectively making a “Faction”! As in, you dont know which part to believe and which not to.
The movie is a STRICT NO for pregnant women and heart patients. For the rest it is just a NORMAL NO!
Fool and Final
Have you ever wondered how it feels to stand in hot sun during peak summer at 12:00 Noon for 2 hours continuously on one leg with oil on your head? Then all you need to do is watch this movie for 15 minutes! Because both have the same effect. It drives you painfully crazy. As the name of the movie indicates, anyone watching this movie can be deemed to be a Fool and that is Final!
S.O.S (Oh sorry!) O.S.O
This movie as most of you might know has its root in Karz… But for an average viewer this movie is quite close to a curse! It is just that the movie is a bit ahead of its time. Had it come some 25 years down the line, may be it would have been more believable!!!
Though Shah Rukh Khan and Deepika “Sandy from Bangalore ” Padukone try to be the saving grace of the movie, the script doesn’t help much. Entire Bollywood minus Aamir Khan entertaining the audience in one song is really enjoyable!
To summarize… OSO is just so so!
Saawariya
“Savariya” in Tamil means “Are you dying?”! Quite relevant question to ask anyone who watches this movie. Think the movie was made in the wrong language!
Metro
Is your love life tormenting you?
Do you think that you have had enough of problems and you can take no more?
Are you unable to come out of a break up and get along with life?
Then this movie is a one stop shop for you! On one hand, it solves your problem and makes you feel better. But on the other hand, it shows you thousand other problems to initiate new worries! Viewer discretion is strictly recommended.
Awaarapan
With a new look Emran Hashmi, this movie was a decent watch. Shreya who was extremely blessed in starring along with Superstar Rajnikanth in “Sivaji - The Boss” has shown a lot of maturity in her acting! (No, I am not biased!)
Chak De India
The sport of Hockey is pleading “Cheque De India”, but all that Bollywood could give was “Chak De India”. This movie saw a dazzling performance by Shah Rukh “Six Pack” Khan! It is definitely a wonderful entertainer. This movie is being followed by “Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal”. Seeing the excellent response to sports based movies, Hollywood script writers are now busy creating the next sequel for Star Wars called “Return of the Ghilli Dhand”. In this movie, people from planet Earth learn the “Mars” Version of “Ghilli Dhand” and beat the aliens in the neutral venue of “Jupiter”! That must be a wonderful watch.
Hey Baby
How do you make a movie without a story a big hit? The answer is very simple. Pack the entire glamour available in Bollywood in one song! The formula is simple, powerful and quite effective.
But yes, the movie was a decent comedy. It is indeed worth watching once. Akshay “Khiladi” Kumar won’t let you down.
Bhool Bhulaiya
Are you a South Indian director who gives Box Office hits?
Are you worried that your movies and talent seldom reaches Bollywood?
Don't worry... There is one person who takes all South Indian hit movies to the Bollywood. He will take care of the rest! But yeah... Akshay Kumar has again played a stellar role. It is a good entertainer all in all!
Partner
When the song “Do you want a Partner” is played on the screen, the operator heard some one shouting a desperate “YES”. It is quite understandable. Anyone would be scared to be in such a huge theatre all alone.
But the song sequences are extremely good and the choreography is equally well made.
But don’t even compare Partner with Hitch,
People might call you Son of a B*tch!
(Just tried my hands at poem writing!)
Conclusion:
All in all this year was a mixed bag for Bollywood... Some movies clicked while some didn't. Anyways, looking forward to for a great year ahead with more interesting, exciting and entertaining movies!
Time flies. And flies fast! It looks as if 2007 had just begun, but here we are quite close to bidding farewell to it. So just thought of walking down the memory lane....
Aap kaa Suroor, The movie
If you have not yet seen this movie and someone recommends you to watch saying that it is really good, please retort by telling “Oh Jhoot Nahi Bol na!”
Never go with your thinking cap on for this movie… You are doomed! But don’t you worry; the CAP is already in its rightful place! This movie answered a question that was pestering me for a long time and which was very much pertinent to our profession… How can a HR gas (through his nose) and yet be successful?? ?
One thing that everyone said quite uniformly after seeing the movie was, “ITS A MISTAKE!!!”
Shootout at Lokhandwala
This movie should have ideally been titled “Blackout for Dheknewala”. It completely blacks you out… Reports say that people who went to watch this movie returned home in an Ambulance!
The only watchable 5 minutes of the movie was the song “Ganpat”. The filmmaker confuses the audience between “Fact and Fiction” effectively making a “Faction”! As in, you dont know which part to believe and which not to.
The movie is a STRICT NO for pregnant women and heart patients. For the rest it is just a NORMAL NO!
Fool and Final
Have you ever wondered how it feels to stand in hot sun during peak summer at 12:00 Noon for 2 hours continuously on one leg with oil on your head? Then all you need to do is watch this movie for 15 minutes! Because both have the same effect. It drives you painfully crazy. As the name of the movie indicates, anyone watching this movie can be deemed to be a Fool and that is Final!
S.O.S (Oh sorry!) O.S.O
This movie as most of you might know has its root in Karz… But for an average viewer this movie is quite close to a curse! It is just that the movie is a bit ahead of its time. Had it come some 25 years down the line, may be it would have been more believable!!!
Though Shah Rukh Khan and Deepika “Sandy from Bangalore ” Padukone try to be the saving grace of the movie, the script doesn’t help much. Entire Bollywood minus Aamir Khan entertaining the audience in one song is really enjoyable!
To summarize… OSO is just so so!
Saawariya
“Savariya” in Tamil means “Are you dying?”! Quite relevant question to ask anyone who watches this movie. Think the movie was made in the wrong language!
Metro
Is your love life tormenting you?
Do you think that you have had enough of problems and you can take no more?
Are you unable to come out of a break up and get along with life?
Then this movie is a one stop shop for you! On one hand, it solves your problem and makes you feel better. But on the other hand, it shows you thousand other problems to initiate new worries! Viewer discretion is strictly recommended.
Awaarapan
With a new look Emran Hashmi, this movie was a decent watch. Shreya who was extremely blessed in starring along with Superstar Rajnikanth in “Sivaji - The Boss” has shown a lot of maturity in her acting! (No, I am not biased!)
Chak De India
The sport of Hockey is pleading “Cheque De India”, but all that Bollywood could give was “Chak De India”. This movie saw a dazzling performance by Shah Rukh “Six Pack” Khan! It is definitely a wonderful entertainer. This movie is being followed by “Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal”. Seeing the excellent response to sports based movies, Hollywood script writers are now busy creating the next sequel for Star Wars called “Return of the Ghilli Dhand”. In this movie, people from planet Earth learn the “Mars” Version of “Ghilli Dhand” and beat the aliens in the neutral venue of “Jupiter”! That must be a wonderful watch.
GOAL
The movie is all about how a once famous club called SouthHall United regains its glory. If you are a football fan... Don't watch it! The movie teaches you something very fundamental. The combination of aggression and emotion can be very humourous!
All that I can say is, South Hall United... Cinema Hall Split!
Cash
Yeah... That is exactly what the producer lost in making this movie! The movie has everything… Good songs, Great action sequence, Good looking star cast. Everything…. Except a story!
Aag
(Bh)aag!
Darling
This film should definitely be watched on the first day – first show… Because you don’t know if it will last the second day! The movie is really scary. Yeah... you get totally scared thinking what has become of such a good director!
After seeing the song “aa khushi se”…. Nisha kHOThari has definitely led the “Khushi” boy commit kuthkushi! Frankly, if you are an actor with some career aspirations, this movie is definitely suicidal!
Jhoom Barabar Jhoom
Seeing the film, it looks like after paying everyone the producer did not have any money left to pay the music composer. Hence as a tactical move, the same song “Jhoom Barabar Jhoom” has been used deftly by the filmmaker through out the movie!
It must have rightly been named “Doom barabar Doom”!
Jhonny Gaddar
By the end of this movie no character is alive. The director kills everyone thinking that he doesn’t have to pay them for their role. In fact, this is the fate after the script was revised. In the initial script even the “light boys” and “make-up” men where killed!
Just kidding…. The movie has a great plot and a wonderful script. It is one decent thriller with a strong story line. No, I am not biased because of the origin of the director / producer!
Jab We Met
For Shahid and Kareena, “Jab we met” symbolizes “Jab we will meet no more”. But the movie is a good watch. It is a mindless comedy. Yeah Kareena and Shahid have indeed broken the Jinx of giving flops together… Now they can begin with a clean slate… to put it in other words, they can begin with a Saa(i)f slate!
Hey Baby
How do you make a movie without a story a big hit? The answer is very simple. Pack the entire glamour available in Bollywood in one song! The formula is simple, powerful and quite effective.
But yes, the movie was a decent comedy. It is indeed worth watching once. Akshay “Khiladi” Kumar won’t let you down.
Bhool Bhulaiya
Are you a South Indian director who gives Box Office hits?
Are you worried that your movies and talent seldom reaches Bollywood?
Don't worry... There is one person who takes all South Indian hit movies to the Bollywood. He will take care of the rest! But yeah... Akshay Kumar has again played a stellar role. It is a good entertainer all in all!
Partner
When the song “Do you want a Partner” is played on the screen, the operator heard some one shouting a desperate “YES”. It is quite understandable. Anyone would be scared to be in such a huge theatre all alone.
But the song sequences are extremely good and the choreography is equally well made.
But don’t even compare Partner with Hitch,
People might call you Son of a B*tch!
(Just tried my hands at poem writing!)
Conclusion:
All in all this year was a mixed bag for Bollywood... Some movies clicked while some didn't. Anyways, looking forward to for a great year ahead with more interesting, exciting and entertaining movies!
Longest Wrong Number Conversation of my Life!
I had a wierd experience today.... Thought about sharing it with you guys so that you will be careful in the future!
I got a call at around 10:50 in the morning today from a lady. The following was our conversation.
(Phone rings)
I got a call at around 10:50 in the morning today from a lady. The following was our conversation.
(Phone rings)
Me: Hello
Lady: Hello
(Silence for around 30 seconds)
Me again: Hello ma'am.... May I know who is this?
Lady: Aap koun hai?
Me: Since you called it is only fair that you say first who you are?
(Silence again for another minute.... While I hold the line patiently, that was a big mistake!!!)
Lady: I want to talk to Rohit
Me: There is no Rohit here
Lady: Tum Joot bol rahe ho!!
(I was taken aback.... What the hell is happening here????)
Me: Why should I lie? What are you talking about?
Lady: I want to talk to Rohit.
Me: I think you have got the wrong number.... What number do you want?
Lady: I want Rohit's Number!
(I literally got furious at this answer)
Me (With a touch of impatience and lot of anger): I am busy.... Can you tell me what number you want?
Lady: I want Rohit's Number (said she.... With assertiveness and full confidence!!!)
(Now I lost it... completely)
Me (Spoke pointwise, though she could not see the numbers like this over phone):
Ma'am...
- I am not Rohit.
- Since I am not Rohit, this definitely is not Rohit's Number.
- Given that you were trying Rohit's Number and this unfortunately not being Rohit's Number is indicative of the fact that you have reached a wrong number.
(After all this... The lady says with so much cool....)
Lady: Acha.... Wrong number hai kya. Pehle bolne ka tha na???
Me (Now almost helpless): Yes Ma'am... I am sorry. I wont repeat this mistake again!
Lady: Acha theekh hai beta koi baath nahi.... (and she hangs up)
And I haven't been able to work thereafter!!!
Moral of the story: Please dont lift any call that is for Rohit... Could be very dangerous!
(By the way... Why do these things happen only to me??????)
Whose Line is it Anyway?
Yesterday I was having a casual conversation with one of my friend who just relocated to Delhi.
He was cribbing a lot about the crowd in the blueline which is the lifeline of Delhi. He was so afraid about the beeline of accidents which has no signs of decline and hitting the headline every other day. Due to the crowd in these buses, they are fast getting the tagline of “I travel at an incline and will not halt at the stopline”.
But I told him in a crystalline manner that gone are the days when any mode of travel was safe. The rising skyline poses a threat to travel by any airline whose ticket we can book easily online. The same is the case with the ships that hit our coastline which is highly saline.
He got back saying that those cases are only borderline since there is no general guideline to predict the accidents in the pipeline.
The bottomline therefore is that there is no point in standing behind the baseline and cribbing about our fateline. But unfortunately that is what we most often do… We crib, we sleep and we eat increasing our waistline and taking pride of being so masculine!
If you have any opinion on this, we can definitely take it offline! Since I don’t have a dedicated landline you can reach me through my hotline!
He was cribbing a lot about the crowd in the blueline which is the lifeline of Delhi. He was so afraid about the beeline of accidents which has no signs of decline and hitting the headline every other day. Due to the crowd in these buses, they are fast getting the tagline of “I travel at an incline and will not halt at the stopline”.
But I told him in a crystalline manner that gone are the days when any mode of travel was safe. The rising skyline poses a threat to travel by any airline whose ticket we can book easily online. The same is the case with the ships that hit our coastline which is highly saline.
He got back saying that those cases are only borderline since there is no general guideline to predict the accidents in the pipeline.
The bottomline therefore is that there is no point in standing behind the baseline and cribbing about our fateline. But unfortunately that is what we most often do… We crib, we sleep and we eat increasing our waistline and taking pride of being so masculine!
If you have any opinion on this, we can definitely take it offline! Since I don’t have a dedicated landline you can reach me through my hotline!
Q1 Results from Jabalpur
I wrote this piece 3 months after coming to Jabalpur. Hope you have an enjoyable read :-)
EBIT (Envy over Boys/Buddies In Towns):
The isolated operation in a lonely village has made the EBIT to be doubled in just one quarter which is far higher from what was reported in the same quarter for the FY (06-07). An acknowledgement of similar figures for other people working out of segregated markets such as Monga, Rajamundhry, Bharuch, Ankleshwar is extended at this outset! (Those are few other places where some of my friends work. We call ourselves the Village Band of Brothers :-))
P/E (Pain to Ecstasy Ratio):
Well... No comments on this one.
COGS (Not cost of goods sold but..... Craziness Over Guitar and Swimming):
The recent strategy of unrelated diversification into learning guitar and swimming has made the COGS increase by more than 200%. A futuristic estimate of the value if the same trend persists is going to give nightmares to matured industrial players a good run for their money (unless and otherwise a strategic alliance is formed with immediate effect).
NPV (Net Percentage Vellaness)
Its a well thought out business decision by the author on keeping quiet on this particular subject matter!
IRR (Incomprehendable Rambling Rate):
Sources close to the author mention that this particular figure has already moved from measurable to the unmeasurable. But a conscious and focussed effort is being put in this direction to improve this figure much more to keep out the boredom present in the operating environment.
ROCE (Remembering Old Connectivity Ease):
The increased EBIT has been highly influential in the increasing value of ROCE. The impact has been widespread as the potential area of functioning has become highly localized due to connectivity issues!
Liquidity Ratios:
LIQUIDity ratios went up really high in the past quarter due to influence of other similar companies whose liquidity ratio are high. The liquidity ratio of specific liquids like BP, Old Monk and Kingfisher have been deliberately brought down on request of the PARENT / Holding companies!
EPS (Not Earnings Per Share.... Expertise in Pool Shots):
Continuous practices in the past 3 months over the billiards table has increased the core competency in another area of operation namely 8 ball pool. The rate of diversification into unrelated areas is alarming as it increases the net expenditure without tangible impact on the bottom line!
EBITDA (Expectation to Be In Touch Despite Alienation):
The change in the environment of operation in the past quarter has not been able to erase away the impact of the previous operating environment for two successive years. The inclination to restore status quo Anti has been constantly increasing the value of EBITDA. It is an earnest request and an expectation by the author to all other operating individuals remotely acquainted to the author be in touch and update on a constant and continuous basis.
EBIT (Envy over Boys/Buddies In Towns):
The isolated operation in a lonely village has made the EBIT to be doubled in just one quarter which is far higher from what was reported in the same quarter for the FY (06-07). An acknowledgement of similar figures for other people working out of segregated markets such as Monga, Rajamundhry, Bharuch, Ankleshwar is extended at this outset! (Those are few other places where some of my friends work. We call ourselves the Village Band of Brothers :-))
P/E (Pain to Ecstasy Ratio):
Well... No comments on this one.
COGS (Not cost of goods sold but..... Craziness Over Guitar and Swimming):
The recent strategy of unrelated diversification into learning guitar and swimming has made the COGS increase by more than 200%. A futuristic estimate of the value if the same trend persists is going to give nightmares to matured industrial players a good run for their money (unless and otherwise a strategic alliance is formed with immediate effect).
NPV (Net Percentage Vellaness)
Its a well thought out business decision by the author on keeping quiet on this particular subject matter!
IRR (Incomprehendable Rambling Rate):
Sources close to the author mention that this particular figure has already moved from measurable to the unmeasurable. But a conscious and focussed effort is being put in this direction to improve this figure much more to keep out the boredom present in the operating environment.
ROCE (Remembering Old Connectivity Ease):
The increased EBIT has been highly influential in the increasing value of ROCE. The impact has been widespread as the potential area of functioning has become highly localized due to connectivity issues!
Liquidity Ratios:
LIQUIDity ratios went up really high in the past quarter due to influence of other similar companies whose liquidity ratio are high. The liquidity ratio of specific liquids like BP, Old Monk and Kingfisher have been deliberately brought down on request of the PARENT / Holding companies!
EPS (Not Earnings Per Share.... Expertise in Pool Shots):
Continuous practices in the past 3 months over the billiards table has increased the core competency in another area of operation namely 8 ball pool. The rate of diversification into unrelated areas is alarming as it increases the net expenditure without tangible impact on the bottom line!
EBITDA (Expectation to Be In Touch Despite Alienation):
The change in the environment of operation in the past quarter has not been able to erase away the impact of the previous operating environment for two successive years. The inclination to restore status quo Anti has been constantly increasing the value of EBITDA. It is an earnest request and an expectation by the author to all other operating individuals remotely acquainted to the author be in touch and update on a constant and continuous basis.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Greetaholism!
Assumptions:
Issue:
Now coming to the issue. Friends get married but a few of them forget to give the all important party! Now how do you ask that in a cultured way? There is one solution... Send the following wedding greeting and experience the difference!
Greeting:
Hey Buddy!
The day you BLEND with someone in life you should do it with PRIDE.....
In short....
We want to show the world that your are a "blender's pride"! Take this as a "Royal Challenge" and put your unique "Signature" all the way. You are a "Napoleon" born to win, Because you are "Mera No.1". On the day of your wedding, we will seek the blessing of an "Old Monk" who will remind you that love is the "Fuel" of your life. All of us have done some "White Mischief" in our childhood days, but it is time for you to "Smirn them Off" and move ahead... Because life is one of the best "Teachers" you can ever have.... If we dont learn from it, people will associate a "Black Label" with us...
You are sure to live "2000 to 5000" years happily with your newly wed wife... It is our prayer that you guys dont "Foster" any trouble and always be the "king of good times"!
Conclusion:
Hope this should solve your problem. Else forget it and don't invite your friend for your wedding party! ;-)
- People are generally sane!
- Sane people have friends.
- Friends get married.
- Sane people like alcohol!
- Alcohol is served in parties...
Issue:
Now coming to the issue. Friends get married but a few of them forget to give the all important party! Now how do you ask that in a cultured way? There is one solution... Send the following wedding greeting and experience the difference!
Greeting:
Hey Buddy!
The day you BLEND with someone in life you should do it with PRIDE.....
In short....
We want to show the world that your are a "blender's pride"! Take this as a "Royal Challenge" and put your unique "Signature" all the way. You are a "Napoleon" born to win, Because you are "Mera No.1". On the day of your wedding, we will seek the blessing of an "Old Monk" who will remind you that love is the "Fuel" of your life. All of us have done some "White Mischief" in our childhood days, but it is time for you to "Smirn them Off" and move ahead... Because life is one of the best "Teachers" you can ever have.... If we dont learn from it, people will associate a "Black Label" with us...
You are sure to live "2000 to 5000" years happily with your newly wed wife... It is our prayer that you guys dont "Foster" any trouble and always be the "king of good times"!
Conclusion:
Hope this should solve your problem. Else forget it and don't invite your friend for your wedding party! ;-)
Certainity Vs Uncertainity
How many times have we spoken with our friends about how uncertain we are in solving a problem. We say that life is filled with uncertainities. Furthermore, as HR professionals, people say that we need to deal with "Uncertainities". But how exactly do you do that?
This subjective issue needs some objective thinking!
To answer the above question, we need to first clearly differentiate and understand "Certainity" from "Uncertainity".
Everything is uncertain... Everything is Gray! Nothing is in Black and White.... But people seldom understand that Black and White together give rise to Gray.... This means that a combination of various certainties lead to uncertainty.
For example, I like 3 girls and they also like me... If I try I am certain that I can marry any one of them... But I am uncertain which one to marry... Please note at this point that 3 certainties give rise to 1 uncertainty! If 2 of the 3 girls are not certain to marry me, then there is no uncertainty! Which means that there can be no possible combination of certainties to make me Uncertain!
Thus dealing with uncertainty also involves dealing with certainty.... (I mean, if we are certain about which certainity to go ahead with, then it is a certainity that there is no uncertainity!) So you deal with certainity first and subsequently deal with uncertainity! This is quite similar to "Right to practice any profession also includes right not to practice any profession (Ref: Excel Wear Vs Union of India)" under Article 19 of the Constitution of India (If I am not mistaken).
This means that Uncertainty has Certainty within it.... This leads us to a conclusion that there is nothing uncertain and nothing certain.
Thus Certainty and Uncertainty are time bound. We are not certain of what is going to happen in the future. Thus it all boils down to the limiting value of the present moment where Uncertainty gives way to certainty... Where the endless combinations of certainty fight amongst themselves till all of them disintegrate / Integrate into one. There resolves the confusion of Uncertainty Vs Certainty!
Hope this gives some "Certainity" on the issue of "Uncertainity"!
Sledging & Management Philosophies
The recent Series to England and the subsequent Twenty20 world cup has shown us a refreshingly new Indian side. A team full of energy, passion and more importantly we have seen a bunch of guys who unlike the earlier Indian teams give it back to the opposition who sledge us!
Coming to think of it as managers, there are quite a few management principles and concepts that must have been employed to bring about this dramatic turn around!
Let’s try and explore a few of them!
Disclaimer: All the characters used in this mail are fictitious. Any resemblance to anyone playing or retired by now is purely co-incidental.
MBO (Ma, Behen & Others)
The early Englishmen did well to learn Hindi for strategic maneuvering of Indian kingdoms. But unfortunately they failed to learn certain words which might be of help to them on a cricket ground against India. It took a Yuvraj Singh to train them on words associated with "Ma, Behen & Others" (use ejusdem generis!) so as to improve their awareness set! Now it is solely up to the likes of Flintoff and Kevin Peterson to ensure that knowledge transfer happens across the English team. As we say in the corporate world, they are still on the learning curve.
Balanced Scorecard
Indian scorecards have traditionally been unbalanced. Either everyone scores or every one falls cheaply… Either we bowl well or we bat well! It took us a Naplan and Korton to put us in perspective to have a balanced scorecard for winning games. These perspectives include:
Coming to think of it as managers, there are quite a few management principles and concepts that must have been employed to bring about this dramatic turn around!
Let’s try and explore a few of them!
Disclaimer: All the characters used in this mail are fictitious. Any resemblance to anyone playing or retired by now is purely co-incidental.
MBO (Ma, Behen & Others)
The early Englishmen did well to learn Hindi for strategic maneuvering of Indian kingdoms. But unfortunately they failed to learn certain words which might be of help to them on a cricket ground against India. It took a Yuvraj Singh to train them on words associated with "Ma, Behen & Others" (use ejusdem generis!) so as to improve their awareness set! Now it is solely up to the likes of Flintoff and Kevin Peterson to ensure that knowledge transfer happens across the English team. As we say in the corporate world, they are still on the learning curve.
Balanced Scorecard
Indian scorecards have traditionally been unbalanced. Either everyone scores or every one falls cheaply… Either we bowl well or we bat well! It took us a Naplan and Korton to put us in perspective to have a balanced scorecard for winning games. These perspectives include:
- Batting Perspective
- Bowling Perspective
- Fielding Perspective
- Sledging Perspective (Most Important)
The fourth and the final perspective ensured that people play with just the bat & ball and not with words. Sequels by the same authors helped the Indian team develop “strategy maps” and build a “Strategy focused Team India”!
Six S(T)IGMA Principle
This is a strategy put into use by when an opposition sledges you even after getting hit. A perfect response to such a behaviour according to the SIX S(t)IGMA principle is, abuse the bowler first followed by hitting him for 6 sixes in 6 balls attaching a permanent stigma to him.
This was what happened between Yuvraj and Stuart Broad! The Six S(t)igma principle helps you find 3.4 bowlers out of a million to hit for 6 sixes!
GAAP (Generally Accepted Abusing Principles)
In an era where you get sledged left, right and center at the middle (i.e the pitch!) it is but natural to evolve some generally accepted principles to abuse so that the entire team follows a standard practice.
Usually Friendly Teams: Forgive them once and think twice before abusing.
Other Teams except Australia: Abuse immediately when a player sledges you with the choicest of words continuously without using the same word twice! If necessary, you can charge towards the sledger with a raised bat and pray that the umpire doesn’t stop you!
Australian Team: Spare none of them. DO NOT think about your own match fee. You need to make some sacrifices for the cause you believe in!
Porter’s 5 fours model
When Indian team was once meek and submissive, it was indeed a Porter from the Ranchi railway station who put some sense into MS Dhoni! These were his words of wisdom: “You get sledged by any bowler in the first delivery of an over… Take your time, abuse him tirelessly for 15 minutes; Get back to your crease… And murder him for 5 fours in the rest of the over!”.
High Gene factor & Motivating Factor
Genetical factors controls the behaviour pattern. Consider this criteria in choosing the team. For example, a Yuvraj Singh is naturally programmed to decimate anyone who sledges him, because that is in his gene. And it is a natural response to a rather unnatural stimulus. This is the High Gene Factor!!! Now these people will be the motivating factor for the rest of the team. Remember… Herzberg says that lack of High gene factor leads to dissatisfaction. We don’t want any of our opponents to be dissatisfied with the quality of our abuse!
The 7 S strategy
One thing that led to the Indian revival is the religious following of the 7 S strategy. Namely,
- Sehwag, Virendar
- Singh, Yuvraj
- Singh, Robin
- Sharma, Rohit
- Sharma, Joginder
- Sreeshanth
- (Finally and most importantly) SLEDGE
Why would anyone with even a remote cricketing sense choose a Joginder Sharma otherwise? This is a conscious effort to adopt the 7 S strategy!
360 Degree Bheedback
One thing in a cricket match is that you have a Bheed (Crowd!) surrounding the batsman on all the 360 degrees. The recently concluded Twenty20 series saw a lot of injuries to the spectators due to balls flying all over the stand.
The way Indian batsman cleared the boundaries and deposited the ball on the stands, the crowd was pushed back so that they don’t get hurt. This was nothing but a new strategy called 360 degree Bheed back! The objective according to this strategy was to push the bheed back as much as possible so that you have clear and safe hitting opportunity!
BCG (Best Chosen Gaali!) Matrix
Before the start of the season, the team management met to develop a matrix of Gaalis which must be used according to the quadrant in which you operate during the match conditions! The operating quadrant is decided by two parameters namely, “Gaali growth rate” in the game and “relative Gaali share” in the total number of abuse hurled by the Indian team!
HAY(den) PLAN
This is a specific plan used to evaluate the job of sledging excellent, talented but arrogant players, especially Australian batsmen. (The name of the plan is self-explanatory). This basically includes:
- Know-How (Basically know how to sledge)
- Planning and Organizing (Plan and organize when and what you want to abuse)
- Communicating (Communicate the abuse clearly)
- Freedom to Act (Empowering the bowler to respond if the batsman talks back)
Markovian (Maar – Kaao – ian) Model
I don’t think I need to further explain this model. It deals with succession planning, once a bowler sledges an Indian Batsman you need to help them with their succession planning and that is called Maar-Kao-ian model. Just hit him and destroy his “Career Anchor” so that the opposition already starts thinking about the succession plan!
So people, the Indian team management has indeed acted like true managers in deploying some of the effective tools and models to effect a dramatic turn around.
Hope to see the Men in Blue continuing this amazing run.
Chak de India!
Getting Started
In life, people say, you don't slog
Hence you sit just like a log,
Writing mails and making inboxes Clog...
Why don't you instead start a Blog!
Yes.. That, in essence summarize why this space exists!
Disclaimer: This disclaimer applies uniformly across all my posts. The intention of whatever is written here is just to have fun by breaking away from the monotony and not to hurt anyone! Things are occasionally exaggerated, sometimes a bit over exaggerated... but generally they are extremely exaggerated!
Therefore, please read, enjoy and forget... DO NOT deliberate much, because they are mindless diaries!
Fasten your seatbelts...
Switch off your logic at this point... as it obstructs the communication channel!
In case of an emergency, there are 2 emergency exits. One at the top right with a 'x' mark and one at the bottom of the page. The natural light from the device you are operating will guide you to the nearest exit! ;-)
Well... Here we go!
Hence you sit just like a log,
Writing mails and making inboxes Clog...
Why don't you instead start a Blog!
Yes.. That, in essence summarize why this space exists!
Disclaimer: This disclaimer applies uniformly across all my posts. The intention of whatever is written here is just to have fun by breaking away from the monotony and not to hurt anyone! Things are occasionally exaggerated, sometimes a bit over exaggerated... but generally they are extremely exaggerated!
Therefore, please read, enjoy and forget... DO NOT deliberate much, because they are mindless diaries!
Fasten your seatbelts...
Switch off your logic at this point... as it obstructs the communication channel!
In case of an emergency, there are 2 emergency exits. One at the top right with a 'x' mark and one at the bottom of the page. The natural light from the device you are operating will guide you to the nearest exit! ;-)
Well... Here we go!
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