Q1 Results from Jabalpur

I wrote this piece 3 months after coming to Jabalpur. Hope you have an enjoyable read :-)

EBIT (Envy over Boys/Buddies In Towns):

The isolated operation in a lonely village has made the EBIT to be doubled in just one quarter which is far higher from what was reported in the same quarter for the FY (06-07). An acknowledgement of similar figures for other people working out of segregated markets such as Monga, Rajamundhry, Bharuch, Ankleshwar is extended at this outset! (Those are few other places where some of my friends work. We call ourselves the Village Band of Brothers :-))

P/E (Pain to Ecstasy Ratio):

Well... No comments on this one.

COGS (Not cost of goods sold but..... Craziness Over Guitar and Swimming):

The recent strategy of unrelated diversification into learning guitar and swimming has made the COGS increase by more than 200%. A futuristic estimate of the value if the same trend persists is going to give nightmares to matured industrial players a good run for their money (unless and otherwise a strategic alliance is formed with immediate effect).

NPV (Net Percentage Vellaness)

Its a well thought out business decision by the author on keeping quiet on this particular subject matter!

IRR (Incomprehendable Rambling Rate):

Sources close to the author mention that this particular figure has already moved from measurable to the unmeasurable. But a conscious and focussed effort is being put in this direction to improve this figure much more to keep out the boredom present in the operating environment.

ROCE (Remembering Old Connectivity Ease):

The increased EBIT has been highly influential in the increasing value of ROCE. The impact has been widespread as the potential area of functioning has become highly localized due to connectivity issues!

Liquidity Ratios:

LIQUIDity ratios went up really high in the past quarter due to influence of other similar companies whose liquidity ratio are high. The liquidity ratio of specific liquids like BP, Old Monk and Kingfisher have been deliberately brought down on request of the PARENT / Holding companies!

EPS (Not Earnings Per Share.... Expertise in Pool Shots):

Continuous practices in the past 3 months over the billiards table has increased the core competency in another area of operation namely 8 ball pool. The rate of diversification into unrelated areas is alarming as it increases the net expenditure without tangible impact on the bottom line!

EBITDA (Expectation to Be In Touch Despite Alienation):

The change in the environment of operation in the past quarter has not been able to erase away the impact of the previous operating environment for two successive years. The inclination to restore status quo Anti has been constantly increasing the value of EBITDA. It is an earnest request and an expectation by the author to all other operating individuals remotely acquainted to the author be in touch and update on a constant and continuous basis.